bloggy

hey

I have woke up, at twelve o clock. I have my coffee and my vape.

I had my wound changed. I no longer have to worry whether I am doing the right thing not having it done.

I w doing a super good job. there w no infection. I may be allergic to the inflamil tho; or it’s peanuts.

I w scared that I w harming myself by not getting it done, tho I w scared the antimicrobial stuff w gonna kill me.

this is the first time in my life that I have actually wanted to take my antipsychotics. I am like eager every time the time comes around.

I feel different, to before I had my relapse. my energy is kinda Christmassy. I am enjoying watching Netflix and my own company. my home actually feels like a home.

I feel it w being around other people. I reckon I had a kind of psychopathy. I had these dehumanisations of people in my head. they popped up and stopped me feeling my feelings endlessly.

it hurt so bad. I threw a box of tissues when I w in front of all the n’as at my 117. I w angry. I wanted to be more human.

I w askin for their help. I had explained the dehumanisations, and how I felt like a snake.

not worrying has helped, endlessly running my mind, torturing myself. I do feel more human; tho Ik it w take time, a long time.

Ik this only too well. following J’s commandments for like four years, just hoping that the pain w stop.

I am in one hundo less pain now.

I ordered myself some Raycon.

I just need my sim and then I am back into all my sh.

I shop, I bus around; I can’t walk that much. I have ruined my feet running from people who were following me.

so I keep off them as much as possible.

I like CBD. it makes me dance so dope. tho after not taking my Buspirone I feel a bit like dad dancing, a teeny bit.

I also noticed that I c fw asmr. it hurts to be finding that I may be better off on it. I so don’t like taking pills.

I felt that they made me scared that people w come for me.

I w watching Monster High. I think it w Monster High 2. I noticed how they all were like singing that they were scared that people w like the real them. I don’t have this. I suppose that it’s bc the real me is right there.

Netflix is so dope. I remember when I felt totally out of my mind. then I watched Wednesday. I felt totally normal. I needed to watch it every evening to just feel like a worthy human being.

I w love Netflix so much. Idk if it w my work environment that w making me feel this way. I remember being so like invalidated w every single thing I opened my mouth.

I felt sexually threatened there, so I left.

Learning that people w needs deserve to have those needs met w the best lesson I have every learned. I w homeless for like four nights, Idek how long.

I had locked myself out, that’s all it w. I had got aggressive, and there I w, w a flat and on the street.

To Being Taken Down A Peg Or Two

Kirsty