bloggy

hey

yo… judgement

so I noticed that when I judged someone, I immediately felt the lack of worth that I assigned to that person. G’s judgement w swift.

tho there w this psychopath on the bus. and he w spouting this hate towards his grandaughter.

and I felt that G w let it slide, like I had to judge him, or I w be judging myself.

I didn’t like to judge bc I didn’t want G’s judgement on me, tho Idk.

he said that being trans, who w he kidding. and that he had f himself and that he w never work or something like that.

I felt like everyone on the bus took it in. I c believe that they c be so blind.

I’m kinda struggling w it this morning. I suppose that is bc it’s emotional abuse.

so my first trip w super dope, m second kinda lackluster I guess. I w see w today holds.

I c believe it. I had learnt that any kind of judgment like even the smallest w f me up. I w telling myself that everyone w okay that no one w essentially Idk bad or evil or whatever you wanna call it.

that all these people on the bus who I don’t wanna sit next to, that there is nothing w w them.

as soon as I got there there w some n’as playing dreamscape six, I think it w Swan E. it w dope. this is from the nineties.

I drank my beer, had some CBD, had a little bop.

I’m so confused, like how can I be judging rn when judging is totally wrong. I can’t deal.

my wound appointment w on the 28th. I found out last night. it’s hard for me.

I feel that A broke my memory when I w born; bc I c remember that I felt that she w evil. I have memory problems.

my nurse said that it w on the thirtieth a few times, then she must have said the 28th and I never took it in. this hurts.

I have overcome the ability not to read. like I’m not kidding I couldn’t read, and couldn’t listen to what people said.

I hope that I overcome my memory problems. yea, I’m pretty badly f up; in the wiring in my brain of where the memories are supposed to go. I feel they got sent the wrong way round my brain, and that is the way that my pathways formed as my brain w growing.

I have noticed this w how it is, this is G’s way. like the moment I notice that any kind of judgement no matter how small is w, it gets taken from me.

times in my life when I have vowed to committ to something, G has come along and taken away my ability to do the thing that matters to me. I feel this tends to be how it is.

I just must somehow remember and committ to it.

G’s commandments have levelled me up so much.

I did my washing before I went. I had to go to the laundrette. I did this about seven in the morning. I should do the same today.

I did my shopping while I w there. I w hoping that he shop w be bigger, tho maybe I can find a bigger one next time.

I thought I needed a computer to use constant contact email marketing software, tho so far I have been able to get away w just my phone.

I must actually try to get that to work this morning. if Ima send a series of welcome emails; like I say I’ll be able to apply for the offer.

I’ve gotta run this, it’s driving my crazy. The numbers say that it w make money.

It’s an exciting time of my life actually. Eminem referred to the chase; and says that these are the best times.

I’m hoping that if I don’ t get greedy and think I am better than other people it w keep me in this phase forever.

I have put in so much work. it has been so much fun. I remember strugging like f. my anxiety w so bad… I w k that I w get triggered and that it w be a trigger that w last all day.

basically I w ruining my day by working on it every morning. tho I w getting somewhere and it felt good.

I w overcoming problem after problem, and this felt very satisfying and rewarding.

Ik that me nailing this w down to me. I had no one to lean on, no one to tell me how to do it.

I remember rejecting Stew’s course, saying that I authentically wanted to figure it out for myself.

it’s a good job I did as w the money I w have spent on it; well I needed it for iStock photos and this email marketing aint cheap and websites etc.

also I never did that business model anyway. I went to back to one that I had done a course for.

the energy that I feel rn is good.

To Having A Passion And Watcing It Grow

Kirsty