Bloggy

hey

I’m in pain. I feel the infection from my wound has gone to my testicles.

so, I’ve checked out London, and Cambridge, both nice places. St Ives as well is super nice.

I had anxiety. This w bc I had taken my medication, paradoxically enough. I realised that the whole time I had been taking it, it had actually been giving me anxiety.

this w quite an experience to behold, realising this.

I’m scared that I’ve got dementia, the kind of dementia caused by an infection in my brain. This w be from taking antibiotics. I keep having kimchi to try and counteract this.

I’ve come down in dosage for my antipsychotics. They have just reduced the dosage, w is super dope actually. Plus I’m not on the other drug too. I’m feeling quite good actually.

The side effects to these drugs have historically, made me feel lifeless and dead.

I just realise that they have my interests at heart. Ima trust them; kinda; I mean they did give me a drug that actually gave me anxiety.

I am having Alpro Soya W Protein, bc it gives me the protein I need every day w|o having to need protein powder. it tastes delicious on Coco Pops.

I can’t wait to get my computer, and start working my email marketing software so that I am able to send out a series of emails to new subscribers to my list.

I’m so excited, I’m rly getting somewhere w my online income.

I just feel compelled to do it, after my relapse. I feel it w bc of a lack of social connection. It happened last time I had a relapse as well.

Ima be real and say that I’m more likely to have friends if or when I have money.

My life is good. I enjoy my trips to Cambridge. I w have to stop soon as I need to make sure I spend money on more important things; tho I w be able to go to Bretton, w I like.

I met one of the girls from the Cavell Centre down there. I prefer to be one on one. I w like to sort of meet someone and just see them only. I feel I c rly form a strong connection w someone. I w like to do this w her tho Idk whether she wants that.

I have realised that it is the right thing to do to complement a girl. When I see someone and they rule, and I don’t I kinda feel that they feel bad.

so it had two uses rly; to stop them from feeling bad, and it may form a connection.

I complement people all the time, so this w be easy for me. And it w be super dope to say something to someone I feel is dope. I rly want to and wonder why I never did.

it’s probably bc of low self esteem and feeling that they w not like it. I w just saying above how people I feel trying to manipulate me sexually actually makes me feel like I’m going to throw up.

I guess that’s a big reason why I should not have done it in the past as it may have made them feel that way.

that is definitely not the way to find someone, making them feel like they w be sick. It w just have made me feel like worthless I guess from the reaction I w have got. it w have scarred me.

I w have only been looking for narcissistic supply through getting close to someone I w attracted to anyway, pointless rly.

To Healthy Connections

Kirsty