Bloggy

hey

I’m trying to calm down from judging for a few days. It’s pretty easy, I just choose to not judge anymore.

it w kinda hard at first, as the people were probably doing the thing that I w judging them for.

I w have panic attacks from judging people, where I couldn’t stop thinking how dysfunctional they were and going crazy over it.

there comes a whole new reality when not judging; yes it took years to form. Where there is no anxiety around people who w have previously pi me off.

it’s rly just about reducing anxiety. When I felt more calm, then I w able to feel happiness more.

the prefrontal cortex produces feelings of happiness. When it is destabilised it is impossible to feel feelings bc it is not working properly.

I w just so full of anxiety that I couldn’t feel my feelings, feel happy.

also as a person I w judgemental af.

I wanna be real w you here. It took years for my judgement to calm down, four if I am counting.

there is no quick fix. Sitting there just wanting the anxiety to stop the pain to stop, there is no way out other than put in the work.

tho the work does work; eventually.

If I has just k that eventually the judgement w stop and that I w calm down, it w have been okay; I c have taken the pain, k ing that it w for a reason.

I w highly screwed up. I literally had brain damage from the abuse I had been through; that took years to right itself.

Every time I w triggered I w be there trying to calm my thoughts down in an attempt to stop the cortisol raging through my body and causing such emotional and physical pain.

when it w w I w actually doing in the long run that fixed it. Ngl grounding techniques do work like a tiny bit.

I suppose it’s just doing the grounding techniques and them just not making a dent on the pain. I suppose it’s the feeling that nothing I am doing is working; while being in incredible pain.

it makes the pain worse, it makes it sear.

I’m lucky. When triggered the pain is not that bad. I’m able to function, go about, do my shopping, and not forget too many items or things

I’m hearing people ripping people up out of judgement in a way to get out of that pain; I don’t align w this. I feel it just makes that person’s judgement worse.

I feel a peace inside from not feeling judgement, it is ecstasy as I have described before. it is w everyone is looking for tho they don’t k it.

it is what everyone is searching for in life. Some people go after money; a lot of people go after sex; and they are all looking for the peace that I have and dk where to get there.

there is nothing grandiose about happiness. It is not about getting one over on people; it is just about accepting them as they are.

To Not Judging

Kirsty