Bloggy

hey

I have cut down on the nicotine. I feel it w making me feel like Ima die. I have also cut down on caffeine.

I’m trying to budget bc I spent a lot of money when I had my relapse. I’m keeping track of how much I spend every day on my shopping.

My nurse told me that it w not me that caused me to tear my flesh on the fence; I believe her.

I’m scared of my psychiatrists using the relapse as a way to control me; throwing it in my face every time I ask for my medication to be reduced.

I feel the only reason it happened w bc w kinda had homeless people in the building and also I lost all my social connections bc I felt they tried to take advantage of me sexually.

it’s more than that actually. My boss w in such a rage for three days that I felt she c attack me and involve all the other staff in the attack.

there is no way I w go back as I value my safety; don’t we all.

I feel these were the reasons I had my relapse.

I remember the moment I became psychotic. I w in McDonalds. I had just given some hash browns to a homeless person.

I can’t think about it, I can’t go there; bc of the amount of people I asked for help and never got it; even the people who were supposed to be looking after me so I never had another relapse; I went to them twice, when I w relapsing and they just let me go.

I w homeless and I had drunk water out the hot tap. I felt I had legionnaires and w gonna die. They didn’t help me. They just told me that I had to accept that I w gonna die bc religious people struggled w that, and they let me go.

I w on a 117 that meant they had to not let me have another relapse. I feel pain talking about it.

I went to at least six people for help w the fact I w having a relapse, professional people that people traditionally go to for that sort of help. This is causing me pain I have to stop.

it left me feeling that people are all evil. I w squatting out front of my own flats bc I w locked out. Okay, now I rly have to stop, its too much.

there’s a thing called secure attachment, it’s when someone be feeling that they be able to go for someone people for help. This has ended this for me.

I feel it’s bc of the place where I live. I feel that the people are more evil here. Every time I walk around the people just feel so cold. The place just feels so cold and lacking in feeling.

like I went to Huntingdon and I went for a walk, I actually felt feelings. The path I w on felt of something; walking along looking at the leaves. I just feel this place feels of nothing, like someone has sucked the feeling out of everything.

I want to go somewhere to live where there is feeling. Ik that should I have a home here it w feel of nothing. if my home were to feel of home it w have to be somewhere else.

To Feelings And Vibes

Kirsty