Bloggy

hey

So I’ve come to realise that all kids are billionaires.

it’s rly just the negativity of adults that kills that off in them; shame. Idk why life is so toxic, so f toxic.

manic depression is like the need to feel good.

every now and then someone needs to feel good. if the mind is not capable of that then it w just create that through grandeur or contrive it, in some false way.

its called a mental illness just bc the happiness created is not real, it’s a high; only bc it’s not based on fact.

persecution

this is a rly hard one.

for someone who has anxiety is causes so much pain.

like pain is a doozy. Like hurting so f bad like every day, it’s an unreal amount of torture; I’ve been there.

I would like to tell my story tho; w is that the pain is so much less now, and I have G’s commandments to thank for that.

yes, grounding techniques worked super well to begin w, I’ll give them that, tho following J’s commandments has taken me all the way to much less anxiety.

When I’m triggered now Ima still function. I am able to shop.

I’ve figured out that Ima be rich; it’s a case of be careful w you wish for.

I w rly lucky to be humbled. I w homeless for four nights. this humility I wish to keep.

it’s a strange juxtaposition.

it is reminiscent of when I w younger when I felt that Ima have a good life. That’s why I say that all kids are billionaires.

I remember watching like Crocodile Dundee and seeing all the swankiness and thinking that w all w|i reach.

It didn’t mean I wanted it. it just felt so good to witness it.

I’m saving as much money as I can so that I can have my dream.

it gives me so much pleasure to budget and just be able to survive till the next month.

I get pleasure out of buying a parsnip or whatever to have w my dinner; to like think of things Ima cook for myself.

I’ve got to make sure that I survive bc I’m all I’ve got; the buck stops w me, literally.

so I have my feelings; that’s rly all I have rn tbh.

I’ll sit on my settee, lay actually and just feel my feelings. G k I don’t feel them when I am out.

it’s sad tho this town feels dead. I feel nothing unless I am at home.

tho I do get to be at home. I get to enjoy just being alive, and feeling alive; and being grateful for just being alive and having my feelings.

it’s a thing of great beauty and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I am working towards the business. I have a few offers that w make tons of money. I just need to hit that.

Be careful w you wish for. It’s a saying that is scarily true. Tho w w be the point of having sh if I never felt alive inside.

It just kinda happened. I never gravitated towards Idk the traditional way of doing it.

I suppose its better that I have my alone time. Life w not be worth living w|o it; Ima be honest about that.

I just find people gaslight every word that comes out of my mouth. I feel devalued and I feel that is why I don’t feel sh.

being alone there is no one to feel this way around. That is why I feel okay alone.

it’s one hell of a buzz; I love the challenge of navigating this deal. Ik that it’s something that no one else c handle. They w fold like a deck of cards.

it’s a thrill; the chase, trying to build something out of nothing.

I’m scared. Idk if I can survive like this. Idk how long Ima keep this up.

it seems to be working fine tho. I’m flabbergasted that this works for me. There sure as he is not one living person who c f like this.

I’m holding onto that w a bit of money, and a few friends; I’ll feel like I have a family; Idek.

I don’t get people. I don’t feel like they are real. I don’t feel that they can be around me w|o me feeling like sh about myself.

I’m sure there are some people out there who are okay; I feel they w be hard to find tho.

yea, it’s strange.

I have the business tho, and I sure do have it.

it seems that the hardest ways to make money are actually the easiest.

I suppose a n’a just slog away at something for long enough become an authority in it.

Mindset is super duper important. I got mine from G. I always k that she/he w the baddest way to acquire that, as I had been f for long enough to k that.

I just said just keep going down the same road and my mindset w be absolutely killer and blow everyone out the water. I feel that’s true.

Idk what the hell I’m doing, this is just my life; what else Ima do.

To Authenticity

Kirsty