Hey

I have reached out to one of my friends. We had a nice chat and she says that we can do this anytime.

this is good bc I need that social connection rn.

I had a bad experience where I felt sexually threatened at work. I w scared to never have a connection w anyone ever again bc of this fear.

that is why I never tried to get another voluntary job, bc I felt it w hopeless.

after talking to her I feel that there is no risk at all; that any place I choose to go to work w be fine.

I also feel saner than the last time I spoke to her. I feel like we connected better; I respect her more now.

I… Omg I’m remembering a song by Sterio Mc’s that I liked when I w a kid.

that’s what’s going on.

there’s nothing Ima do today. Nowhere w be open. Tho on mon, there should even be lots of part time jobs available at the supermarkets. Rn is christmastime.

I just feel so good that there is nothing to be scared of. People are no threat; at all.

it’s like when I used to think of being in a relationship and how do I stop myself from getting used.

it’s rly just that people are safer than I think. The closer I am to people the more I realise that.

I saw this dog on youtube that w cowering into the corner when this bloke w in there.

he managed to get it to form a connection w him. He had healed it. That is what I need. I’m hoping that being close to people w do that.

I do feel like I am kinda broken right from birth due to maternal abuse. And that is why I don’ t want to form a connection w people, I never have; and I’m like fifty.

this is actually the best experience ever. I have been getting a lot of comments off of people. I feel that they are things that I am so proud of being able to handle that I am rly in love w myself for dealing.

I must focus on this, how insanely dope I am bc it’s true.

it has forced me to try again. My voluntary job w the first time I had properly been around people my whole life, only had it for like six years.

I now wish to try again to be close to people.

Kirsty