Hey

My abuser never gave me my brother’s number. This is typical of the abuse I have to put up w.

I have decided to not go them for Christmas. My boss says that she just wouldn’t even bother; when I told her that it w just be them talking to each other the whole time, and ignoring me when I tried to talk to either of them.

This clears things up for me that they are just way abusive, and I should not rly have any contact.

I w be having my Christmas dinner at a church. I spoke to this rly nice lady who turned out to be vegan.

I w super scared when I run A; terror at getting sucked back into being narcissistic supply.

I must get a voluntary job as I went back to work and w not invited back. I have something lined up.

Ik I must prioritise the business; tho I must prioritise… Being around people as well.

Both are super important for me and I must have a balance w both.

I feel that they just deem me to be worthless; and not worthy of being spoken to. Idk what else to think. Anyways, someone w empathy can’t be around someone who lacks it, it just affects their self esteem.

That’s why they call it abuse.

I am just trying to make my life work. I don’t want to end up an oaf; w is w w happen should I fw my abusers.

Abuse causes brain damage that w stop me functioning the way I do now; I w lose all the self esteem and ability to think on my feet that I have now.

It’s quite scary k ing the effect that abuse has and w w happen to me if I go back. I w literally lose who I am.

Descending into a jibbering wreck who only feels self esteem when visiting them, except whoops I never felt it that time or any other time except the odd Christmas.

I can’t talk about it it’s too horrid.

Kirsty